There is some confusion over where you will find the world’s smallest violin, some claiming a Chinese craftsman called Chen Lianzhi produced a 1cm-long creation that cannot be beaten, others crediting Mohit Jangid of India because his 13cm version is playable.
In any case, Chelsea fans are probably fetching the smallest instrument available to them to serenade their Manchester City counterparts, sympathy being in short supply over how they sold Cole Palmer for what is now regarded as a £40million snip in September 2023.
Stamford Bridge basked in its bargain on Saturday, Palmer’s remarkable first-half, four-goal haul a reminder of what was allowed to exit the Etihad Stadium. While having a post-match tipple in the Chelsea Gate pub on Fulham Road — some performances are so special they deserve a toast, even at £7 a pint — there were patrons mocking City. One joked it ought to constitute a 116th charge. Another suggested this was payback for how they indirectly snatched Kevin De Bruyne all those years ago.
When Chelsea signed Palmer they knew his potential, but he has exceeded expectations. Some are even comparing the 22-year-old to Dennis Bergkamp, and the similarities with the Arsenal icon go beyond one being nicknamed ‘Cold Palmer’ and the other ‘Iceman’.
It is the way Bergkamp was so classy, so composed, so deliberate in what he would do, making it seem as if everyone else’s second was his minute.
Cole Palmer was at his brilliant best for Chelsea in their 4-2 victory over Brighton on Saturday
The England international took home the match ball as he scored all four of Chelsea’s goals
Palmer is now earning comparisons to Arsenal icon Dennis Bergkamp for the way he plays
Palmer is of a similar ilk in how he possesses the ability to adjust, attempt the audacious, and make the Premier League resemble a playground. They share the same intuition, that finesse carried by few in the field, with Palmer now having notched up 43 goals involvements since his Chelsea debut — even more than Erling Haaland has managed for City in that time.
Brighton helped Palmer, of course, their high defensive line being there for the taking throughout this bonkers contest. As one analyst put it when contacted on Saturday night to ask for his take on how it had unfolded: ‘He was like a kid in a sweet shop, and they never stopped feeding him.’
Palmer broke in behind Brighton over and over. He was set up for his first by Nicolas Jackson, while his second was a penalty, won thanks to the creativity of Jadon Sancho.
The third was a free-kick which, inside Chelsea, has been compared to Lionel Messi’s 600th Barcelona goal, against Liverpool, in its technique. The fourth was the reward for a run made to meet Sancho’s pass, Bart Verbruggen no match at the near post. Brighton boss Fabian Hurzeler later described Palmer as unstoppable.
City are possibly the only club on the planet who could afford to lose a player so talented that he is now mentioned in the same breath as Bergkamp.
But that will not stop Chelsea supporters rubbing it in.